If you/someone you love has ADD/ADHD - Congratulations! Welcome to the club! 🤝 Now, how to deal with your wonderful 🐒🧠?

STEP 1. Get A Good Map - Learn About ADHD [note: this is an ongoing project]

Step 1B: Learn by listening to PODCASTS 🎧

Who doesn’t love a good podcast? Okay, some people don’t get into them, but for many of us, it can actually be easier to get engaged by listening rather than reading. Plus, podcasts (and audiobooks) let you move - super-helpful for keeping those attentional circuits in the brain active. I like to listen while folding the laundry, weeding the yard, walking, making the bed, etc. etc.  It’s one way to get through imbortant chores (important but boring).  

But there’s crazy lots to listen to out there – how do you choose where to start?  Suggestion – do a John Wooden and go for the fundamentals: Dr. Ari Tuckman’s ‘More Attention, Less Deficit’ series on understanding adult ADHD and Executive Functioning and success strategies. Originally done as a companion to his excellent book (same title), Dr. Tuckman lays out abstract ideas in an easy-to-grasp manner, with each short (8-12 minutes) episode building on the previous info, so be sure to start at the beginning with the initial episodes. BTW, he’s a  guy with a dry sense of humor, so hang in if he seems less than entertaining at first. More Attention, Less Deficit, on  iTunes, at adultadhdbook.com or simply search from your podcast app.

****October is ADHD Awareness Month!***** 
If you/someone you love has ADD/ADHD - Congratulations! Welcome to the club!

Now what do you do? 
Well, there are 4 general steps to managing ADHD, each of which has a number of smaller steps within it. During October, I'll try to hit as many as I can. *BTW, notice the realistic expectation setting just then? I have to practice what I preach! 😉 
 STEP 1. Get A Good Map - Learn About ADHD (this will be an ongoing project)
Today's Tip: Step 1A. Read the SOLID stuff, from experts - people who know what they're talking about and can explain things clearly. Learn about executive functioning and self-regulation, and how it applies to you. If the book you're reading has self-reflection questions or other workbook type of exercises, trying doing some! Writing out your answers is  more effective than doing it in your head.
💡
Not sure who to read? Look for names like Tuckman, Barkley,  Nadeau, Solden, Sakarsis, Orlov, Brown, Ramsey, Ratey, Hallowell, etc. Clinicians, researchers, educators and coaches - folks who have devoted the years of their lives to understanding and helping people with ADHD. 
📚
Those books are part of my office library. Despite having a fancy degree from a fancy university, I knew very little about ADD/ADHD & even less about ADHD in adults when I started working with ADD college students in 2002. The folks above were my teachers, and I've had the pleasure of meeting some of them at conferences over the years since. 
​Follow me on Instagram @drlauraforsyth for more!

If you're a recently diagnosed ADHDer, or love one, or have been diagnosed for a while and are (still) wondering what to do to deal with it, I'll be posting guidelines and tips specific to adults with ADD/ADHD during the month of October. Follow me on Instagram @drlauraforsyth for more!

Laughter heals. Laughter makes us feel better. Laughter lifts us up. Laughter empowers us in the face of worry and uncertainty. Laughter can help restore our emotional balance and our faith in humanity. Laughter helps us bear stress. Trully, it can.

But what to do when your emotional-balance-and-faith-in-humanity could really use a tune-up, but there's nothing all that funny going on?

Practice laughing.  Make it happen on purpose. Doesn't matter whether you're feeling it at first, doesn't matter if it seems like faking it, doesn't matter if it takes a while.  Our emotional brain is kind of naive - sorry, but it's true. The cortical processes underlying emotional reactions aren't rational and can be pushed around by what we're exposed to.  You already know this, of course - that's  why emotions are contagious. Use it as a force for good - practice laughing. 

How? Time-honored method - get with someone else who’s laughing. No one like that handy? No problem, there’s always YouTube! Suggestion - go for silly and popular. Silly is good, the emotional brain likes silly. Popularity means easy, and easy is awesome.

Example below. Did it go viral? Heck yeah.

There's a great line in the sci-fi novel "Babylon's Ashes", #6 in James S.A. Corey's kickass The Expanse  series (season 2 of Syfy's very entertaining TV adaptation is soon to drop), where a ship's captain, trying to decide on a course of action under perilous circumstances while wrestling with self-doubt and guilt about her previous choices, is asked, "What's the magic word?" 

Huh? Magic word?

Turns out, the magic word is "Oops".

As in, "Oops, I made a BIG mistake", "Oops, I didn't realize/look closely enough/think it through before I acted/know what I didn't know", "Oops, that didn't work out the way I really thought it would", "Oops, I dropped it and it broke into a million pieces.", etc. 
​
An overarching theme (ooh, big-time Lit class!) in Babylon's Ashes is that big decisions must always be made without enough information to be completely certain of the outcome. In fact, the character who is the most sure of himself makes choices with catastrophic consequences, then when things go to hell, justifies his own actions and blame everybody else. He's got responsibility, but no accountability and for sure, no compassion. Everybody suffers because of this jerk.

You can use "Oops" as a key to unlock the door of taking responsibility without being crushed by blame or immobilized by uncertainty. "Oops" is not about trivializing mistakes. Rather, it's about allowing yourself to admit that you missed the call/blew it/dropped the ball/didn't realize/got too anxious to think/spaced out/was too preoccupied with ____/was an idiot/didn't know what you didn't know, etc., etc. etc. Then, allowing yourself to keep on keeping on, learning as you go. There's always going to be another decision to be made or action to be taken. Being mired in indecision and avoidance doesn't get you off the hook, it just makes you feel helpless.

Forward we go - doing the best we can with what we've got at the time. 
 
Very handy, that "Oops". 

​A February 2016 article, "MAP training: combining meditation and aerobic exercise reduces depression and rumination while enhancing synchronized brain activity", in the journal Translational Psychiatry describes what must surely be one the most simple and straightforward treatments for depression around.

The program: one-hour sessions twice a week: 20 minutes of basic focused attention meditation, 10 minutes of very slow walking meditation, then 30 minutes of aerobic exercise on a treadmill with 5 minute warmup / 20 minutes at 'moderate intensity' and 5 minutes cool down. After eight weeks, participants reports an average 40% reduction in their depression symptoms.  

If an antidepressant medication could reliably reduce symptoms by 40% it would be hailed as a wonder drug!  Hmmm...

• NYT article
• Translational Psychiatry ​article

Making decisions - yes/no, stay/go, change/don't - is hard. It’s challenging to think things through objectively and all too easy to feel confused. You might get stuck thinking endlessly until your head fogs up, then just avoid the whole issue as long as possible until circumstances force you to respond, often with fewer or less desireable options that may have been available earlier.

When you need to make a decision, particularly about a possible action or change, use the power of writing.  Laying out the pros and cons of both sides in writing will help you clarify your concerns. Get it out of your head and onto the page to gain perspective. No matter how complicated things are, this method will aid you to make a more informed choice. 

Method:
​1st – List the benefits & downsides of ‘Option A’ (usually keeping things the same) and ‘Option B’ (making the change) in the appropriate quadrant.  Don’t settle for “nothing”.  Ask yourself:  

• What are the good parts/the things I don’t want to give up? List those in A1
• What’s likely to happen (lose, stay stuck with, get worse) that I don’t want if things stay the same? A2
• What could I gain that I want if I make this change? B1
• What makes doing this hard, what am I afraid might happen? B2

2nd - Look at each item and consider:

• How big a deal is this? How important is it to me? (1-5, S/M/L, whatever) The longest list isn't necessarily the most important. The value of a particular can outweigh the number of items. 
• Is this a short-term thing? A long-term thing? Some consequences don’t show up until later, or change over time.  You could even do one version for short-term and another for long-term - notice what changes.

3rd - Are there things you don’t know? Tip: worries, a.k.a. "what ifs?" often can be turned into questions.  Write those down - how can you find out?  

Finally - evaluate - Which side weights more, particularly in the long run?

Remember - rarely is there a ‘perfect’ choice where everything is good and everyone is satisfied. Life is messy. Be brave! Aim to act like your best self.  

From the esteemed Andrew Weil, MD, a breathing exercise that activates your parasympathetic nervous system, counterbalance to our usually-way-too-active sympathetic nervous system (producer of the famous fight/fight/freeze response). Dr. Weil prescribes four rounds of 4-7-8 breathing to shift out of tension into calm and even sleep. 

In the midst of what is surely the most bizarre election season in living memory, perhaps it would be helpful to review some old advice on how to maintain one's mental stability when it seems that the world really is in the handbasket, headed down to a very hot place.

And by old, I mean old.  The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali are presumed to be at least 1,600 years old, maybe more. Yet the advice in Sutra 1:33 about how to not get all freaked out by what other people do or say feels quite fresh and relevant.  

From Christopher Isherwood's translation:

and T.K.V. Desikachar explains Sutra 1:33 like this:

Notice the term "cultivate" in the first quote.  That's a reminder that growth takes effort and attention over a period of time. It's worth it, though, since friendliness is the antidote to jealousy, compassion allows us to be supportive rather than judgmental, delight lifts us up when envy or comparing ourselves to others drags us down and indifference (not paying too much attention) frees us from getting worked up with worry or outrage.

And if at first, you don't succeed, no worries - there will always be plenty of opportunities to practice!

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver

Ever wonder if you should be taking some kind of vitamins? Trying to research this topic can be a fast train to Confusion Land, where hype, unsupported claims and contradictory information abound. 

Don't give up, though - supplementation can help, especially when you're just starting or are in the middle of improving your diet and lifestyle - going for less of the stuff that comes out of a sealed package or can and more of that stuff that actually grew in the ground.  Interested in suggestions?

​"The word that allows yes, the word that makes no possible.
The word that puts the free in freedom and takes the obligation out of love.
The word that throws a window open after the final door is closed.
The word upon which all adventure, all exhilaration, all meaning, all honor depends.
The word that fires evolution's motor of mud.
The word that the cocoon whispers to the caterpillar.
The word that molecules recite before bonding.
The word that separates that which is dead from that which is living.
The word no mirror can turn around.
In the beginning was the word and that word was

CHOICE."

 Tom Robbins ~ Author, ​Still Life With Woodpecker

Manage verb "to succeed in doing something, especially something difficult" (from the Cambridge Dictionary).  

Managing ADHD is a process, not something done once, but every day. Naturally, some days go better than others.  If you've just been diagnosed or even if you've known for a while but want a refresher, check out these basic guidelines for managing ADHD.   

Hokusai says look carefully.
He says pay attention, notice.
He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing.

He says look forward to getting old.
He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are.
He says get stuck, accept it, repeat
yourself as long as it is interesting.

He says keep doing what you love.

He says keep praying.

He says every one of us is a child,
every one of us is ancient
every one of us has a body.
He says every one of us is frightened.
He says every one of us has to find
a way to live with fear.

He says everything is alive --
shells, buildings, people, fish,
mountains, trees, wood is alive.
Water is alive.

Everything has its own life.

Everything lives inside us.

He says live with the world inside you.

He says it doesn't matter if you draw,
or write books. It doesn't matter
if you saw wood, or catch fish.
It doesn't matter if you sit at home
and stare at the ants on your veranda
or the shadows of the trees
and grasses in your garden.
It matters that you care.

It matters that you feel.

It matters that you notice.

It matters that life lives through you.

Contentment is life living through you.
Joy is life living through you.
Satisfaction and strength
is life living through you.

He says don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid.

Love, feel, let life take you by the hand.

Let life live through you.

Most everybody knows Big Bird. But have you ever really listened to what the Bird says?  

One day, years ago when my kids were little, I was fixing lunch while they watched Sesame Street. Looking up from flipping the grilled cheese, I was just in time to hear Big Bird say, "Asking questions is a good way of finding things out." 
 
I about dropped the spatula. The Bird had nailed it. 

Ever heard radio journalist Ira Glass talk about what's involved in getting good at something, at being successful?  

Basically, it's all about persistence.  More than talent, more than luck, more than money or privilege, even more than who you know - persistence.  You can have talent, luck, money, privilege and connections, all are golden, all help immensely - but none of these qualities can substitute for plain dogged persistent, sustained effort long enough to do something enough to get really good at it.  

This does require hanging in through a fair-to-huge amount of frustration as we travel along the learning curve, but it's worth it.  It helps to enjoy the journey.

Check out artist David Shiyang Liu's very cool 'kinetic typography' presentation of Ira Glass giving his best advice for beginners.  

Compassion and accountability may, at first glance, seem like unlikely partners.  Compassion involves a deep sympathy for suffering or struggle, an appreciation of the error-prone nature of being human and the desire to relieve distress.  Accountability is about taking responsibility for yourself, for a situation, for the consequences of your actions.   

So, what about when a person needs to make changes in his or her life, to cope with adversity or difficult circumstances, or an illness or a loss?  To deal with having been harmed by another, or having done the wrong thing, or fallen short, or been willfully wrongheaded?  What if a person needs to heal, to learn different and more effective ways of handling life’s challenges?   What helps that person take action?  To be empowered?

What works better – compassion or accountability?

One definition of compassion is, “deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it”.   A key aspect of compassion is an appreciation that, as human beings, we are all fallible, all suffer, all make mistakes over and over and over.  Compassion allows us to open our hearts, to risk connection, to risk feeling our feelings rather than sucking them up or walling them off.  We can tolerate distress, keep going.  It's empowering. 

However, too much compassion may risk a slide into pity, even self-pity, and from there, into feeling and acting and being helpless.   Deep compassion is hard to hold, it’s challenging and rigorous and can expose you to so much of your pain that you may get overwhelmed and shut down, demoralized and immobilized.

Accountability can be defined as “The quality or state of being accountable; especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.”  Firm and resolute, even courageous.  Becoming accountable allows us to step up, tell the truth, call things the way they are.  Accountability includes making choices and paying attention to results of those choices, informing yourself as you go along, aka, learning from your mistakes.  It's empowering.

But, accountability can be taken too far, can go into taking responsibility for things outside of your control, things you can’t really influence. There’s the risk of becoming rigid, overly critical towards yourself or others.  People push themselves and push themselves, expecting too much of themselves, feeling inadequate and impotent and resentful.

See where this is going?

We need both.  We need compassion and accountability in a dynamic balance within us.  We need an appreciation of our limits and fallibility as human beings and a clear-eyed view of the consequences of our actions - on ourselves and on others. Compassion is empowering. It allows us to look fully at how and what it is that we are doing, without making excuses, without being overwhelmed by shame and self-loathing.  Accountability is empowering.  It gives us the means to step up, take action and, most important – to be curious about how our actions pan out, so we can learn from mistakes and successful efforts alike.

A psychologist friend put it this way - while working with someone who was kicking themselves endlessly for every mistake, large and small alike, she said, "Well, how human of you.  You must be very disappointed.  I'm sure that I must disappointed, too."  

The person stopped and stared at her, shocked.  Then, they both started to laugh.  
  
Compassion and accountability in counseling, and, in life.

Fact One: ADHD is real.

Has there ever been a medical condition as controversial as ADHD? 

ADHD is real, despite the controvery, despite the people who assert, “I don’t believe in ADHD”, despite the myths and the misapprehensions about medication and other treatments.  ADHD is a real, brain-based medical condition. 

Says who?  People and organizations who looked at the science and came to this conclusion on the basis of objective data.  This group includes: 

• the Surgeon General 
• the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• the National Institute of Mental Health
• the U.S. Department of Education
• the American Academy of Pediatrics
• the American Medical Association
• the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
• the American Psychiatric Association
• the American Psychological Association

ADHD is real and people with ADHD do benefit from appropriate treatment.

                                    ********

7 days, 7 facts.  
More information about these organizations and each of the facts is at adhdawarenessweek.org.